


let's smash the hourglass

by thelovelylibra



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Muggle AU, Prompt writing, Sirius Black & Marlene McKinnon - friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4185678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelovelylibra/pseuds/thelovelylibra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius avenges Marlene by pouring salt in some guy's coffee. Now if only it had been the right guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let's smash the hourglass

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another prompt my girlfriend and I found. "I put salt in your coffee while you were in the bathroom and you drank it all and that was hardcore want to go out sometime" AU. 
> 
> Title from the Kingsfoil song of the same name.

"I'm telling you! That's him!" Marlene hissed, stealing another glance over her shoulder.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked, somewhat doubtful. "Just from his profile?"

"Yes! I'm sure!" Marlene insisted.

"Alright then," Sirius said, nodding once firmly. "I'll avenge you properly the minute he steps away."

"Thanks," Marlene said, smiling. "I owe you."

"No you don't," Sirius said. "The guy is a dick. It's my pleasure." A very attractive dick, he added silently. And wearing a cardigan that screamed. Apparently not gay at all, though, according to Marlene. Shame - when he looked over at their table, Sirius was almost astounded at how fucking _pretty_ this guy was.

The two ate in silence for a few moments, waiting for their opportunity. Eventually, the guy carefully placed his bookmark and shut his book, then got up and walked towards the restroom. 

"Go time," Sirius murmured, grabbing the already unscrewed saltshaker from their table and casually meandering towards where the guy had been sitting. He slid into the empty seat and, the shaker hidden by his sleeve, dumped a good third of the salt into the guy's nearly untouched mug. He stirred it just enough to hide the grains and then - still casual - retreated to his own seat.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" Marlene said, clapping her hands softly. "Serves him right!"

Sirius grinned triumphantly. "Hell yeah it does," he agreed. "Now we just wait for the humiliation."

"I want a front-row seat," Marlene said, coming around to his side of the table.

"Prepare for the easiest, most satisfying revenge of your life," Sirius told her.

Soon, the guy returned. As he sat, Marlene gasped. "Oh, shit."

"What?" Sirius asked.

"Shit. Shit! That's - it's not the right guy, Sirius!" 

"You said you were sure!" 

"I thought so, but now I can see his face, and I was wrong!" Marlene dropped her head onto the table with a soft thunk. "That poor boy," she moaned. "I can't watch."

"Well, too late now," Sirius said. As if in slow-motion, he watched the guy lift his coffee cup, take a small sip, do a double-take, glance around the room... and then shrug. And take a bigger gulp.

"Holy shit," Sirius muttered, suddenly very impressed. 

"What?" Marlene demanded, her head shooting up. "Oh my god, he's _drinking_ it? Ew!"

"Just be grateful he's not causing a scene, Miss Oh-Yeah-That's-Definitely-Him," Sirius said, elbowing her.

The guy finished off his food and coffee quickly, maybe ten minutes, without so much as one grossed-out face. As he gathered his things to go, Sirius steeled himself and stood so suddenly Marlene jumped. "I'll be right back," he said, his stomach fluttering, and hurried to the guy's table.

"Hey," he said, hoping he sounded smoother than he felt.

"Can I help you?" the guys asked, his sculpted eyebrow raised. God, he was pretty. And clearly badass.

"Actually, yes," Sirius said. "My name is Sirius, and, uh - well, my friend thought you were someone else. A guy who blew her off and then showed up with a different guy at her party the same night."

"Okay - oh. Ohhh." The guy's face cleared as he caught on. "So you're - "

"Yeah," Sirius said. "When you were in the bathroom, I put salt in your coffee. Um, a lot of salt."

"I noticed," the guy said wryly, crossing his arms.

"Right." Throwing suaveness to the wind - besides, wasn't enthusiasm charming? - he rushed on. "And the thing is, you drank it. Without complaint. And that was actually really impressive, strangely enough, so would you like to go out with me sometime? Oh, and what's your name?"

The guy laughed. "Well, I can honestly say this is the strangest pick-up line I've ever heard." 

Sirius waited, biting his lip. Watching the guy watch him bite his lip, actually. No _way_ was this guy straight.

"It's Remus," he finally said. "And, yes. I'd like to out sometime. Meet me here tomorrow at noon, Sirius," he said, smirking.

Sirius grinned. "Alright! See you tomorrow then, Remus," he said, stepping closer to him. 

"Good-bye until then," Remus said, touching Sirius's upper arm lightly, and then left, apparently oblivious to the fireworks he'd just set off in Sirius's heart. Sirius stood there, shocked, as Marlene came up behind him.

She took one look at his face and hit him in the side. "Are you _kidding_ me?" she cried. "You literally poured salt in his coffee and he actually is going to go out with you?"

"Yep," Sirius said, grinning, coming back to himself. "And that, Marlene, is the power of a well-played prank."

**Author's Note:**

> Whenever we do these prompts, we have about half an hour to write (we usually start with fifteen minutes and then add fifteen more), so they're quite rushed. I don't edit them much before posting them, because they're mostly just for fun. Someday, I promise I'll write something real and unprompted to prove I can actually write! :)


End file.
